Stolen Moments and Regrets

I longed for love, until I stole a moment for myself. I had longed to taste my love’s kiss and feel his touch and be within his presence for so many years that I didn’t want to see that there was something missing. I taste his kiss and in my mind it said “This is nothing”. But I refused to listen. As we laid together, he repeatedly told me not to be afraid. But I often said to myself…why am I so afraid. I just couldn’t truly let go, there was something that wasn’t right. His touch felt good to me yet it hurt and I didn’t know why. I learned after that night that he loved another. I was consumed with jealousy but I waited. He was honest when I approached him but I really could have strangled him. He was not feeling the same deep feeling that I was feeling. So I found some ugly words to say to him and I built up my wall. However the next day I had to hear his voice and found out that he was sick. Damn. I couldn’t even keep up with the cruelty because my mothering instincts kicked in. I hate that I was so in love with a man that desires another. I didn’t want to be hurt and yet I was. She seemed to be a good person. She was tall, pretty and feisty. If she made him happy then I would be happy for him. I guess it would be best to let him go. But OH My GOD the pain is unbearable.